Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
