so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize