hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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