i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
