Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
