I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
