Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
