just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
