when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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