I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
