its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
