They should really pass out barf bags in church
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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