She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize