Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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