im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need water and some morals
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
