On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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