New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
