Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
