I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
