When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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