I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize