Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
