shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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