im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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