He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
