If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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