I faked an abortion last night.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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