I cockslap morals
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't think brook has ever known best
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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