I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
