If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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