I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
