I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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