So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
