I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
