the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
