But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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