chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
