people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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