Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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