i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was like eating out sand paper
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
