....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize