Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
