hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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