Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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