he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
