This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
