It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
