he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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