It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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