I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
