May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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