Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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