How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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