just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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