i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sext me about skeletons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
