Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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