I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize