this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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