i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
