My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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