lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
