i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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