Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
