You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
