I feel like abortions should bother me more
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
