my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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