Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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