There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
