I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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