Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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