lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
